And we twist: 7 vows of the Hindu marriage.

We'll know that there are 7 vows in a hindu wedding. Where bride and groom do the spinning-spanning around the fire whilst the pandit do some rap in Sanskrit. For all you who don't know what is the meaning of those sanskrit chants, and also what they "actually" mean(as per present times), read this. The perception is of a classic arranged marriage, forced at this new generation guy and girl who hardly know each other but are about to take the holy-shmoly vows! Let's see what these vows mean to them.

First vow: 

धर्मेच अर्थेच कामेच इमां नातिचरामि ।

धर्मेच अर्थेच कामेच इमं नातिचरामि ॥

Meaning: Initiating the promise, the groom says that their love has become firm by taking the first step. He promises to provide everything for her as well as family’s welfare and happiness.

Actual meaning: Initiating the promise, the groom says that now he has been well trapped. So, to keep his mummy,papa, bhai, bhen taya, tayi, chacha, chahi, chote chacha, choti chachi, mama, mami, maasad, maasi, and some non relevant people who came in the wedding happy, he has to work like a bonded labour and kill all his ambitions, happiness, dump all girlfriends and selflessly sacrifice all the happiness for this unknown woman who'll legally become his wife in the next 20 minutes.

M: In return, the bride happily takes the responsibility of home, food and finances. She hereby promises to satiate all her responsibilities for the welfare of the household, family and the children.

AM: In return, the bride will unhappily takes the liability of cleaning house, cooking food 5 times a day, nourish & run after kids and make monthly budgets! She has to keep her career aside, hobbies beside and abide whatever has been written and being said in Sanskrit. 

Second vow:

M: Initiating the second vow, the groom promises to protect the bride and the family by all his strength in god’s name.

AM: Initiating the second vow, the groom promises to be a Jackie Chan and *Dhishum* away the goons to protect the woman and the toddlers, in the name of god (which god, you decide!). 

M: In return the bride promises that at all times, she shall continue to fill his heart with strength and courage. She promises to be his strength and stand by him in all tough and turbulent times.

AM: In return the bride promises that all the times, she shall jump, stretch, spin, shake..ahem..basically be a cheerleader with shiny pom-pom in hands and cheer for the fainting husband(instead of joining husband in bashing that bulky-purse-snatching-asshole-chor who dared to punch the dear hubby). She promises to cheer and just stand by him in all tough and turbulent times.(because that's what is written & being said in Sanskrit)

Third vow:

गृभ्णामि ते सुप्रजास्त्वाय हस्तं मया पत्या जरदष्टिर्यथासः ।

भगो अर्यमा सविता पुरन्धिर्मह्यांत्वादुःगार्हपत्याय देवाः ॥

M: In the third promise, the bride accepts the groom as her husband and promising this she says that every man in her life will be secondary for her. Her husband will be all and all for her in this whole universe. 

AM: In the third promise bride says, ditch your bitches now or..

M: In return, the groom accepts the bride as his wife and promises for their prosperity and wealth as a couple. He also wishes good up-bringing for their children.

AM: In return the groom promises that together they'll have the best food, roam in a ferrari, put on the best fashion brands and also wishes that may the kids be intelligent enough to grow up good by themselves. But, says nothing about extra-marital affairs because, well it is not written in Sanskrit. 

Fourth vow:

गृभ्णामि ते सुप्रजास्त्वाय हस्तं मया पत्या जरदष्टिर्यथासः ।

भगो अर्यमा सविता पुरन्धिर्मह्यांत्वादुःगार्हपत्याय देवाः ॥

M: In the fourth promise, the groom confesses that she has brought sanctity and auspiciousness in his life. He prays to God to bestow him and her with good children and grant them a long life.

AM: In the fourth promise, the groom confesses that the girl whom his maasi's best friend recommended and is being married to, is cute. He would never be able to bag such a cutesy in his frigging life! He prays to god and whilst praying can't stop about thinking of making babies.

M: In return the bride promises to acquire happiness and harmony via respect, faith, mutual love and understanding.

AM: In return the bride promises to try her best to transform the langoor she's being married to, into a nice gentleman, by the non-violent means.(this is written in sanskrit!)

Fifth vow:

M: Giving the fifth promise, the groom accepts her has his best-friend.

AM: In the fifth promise, the groom's tubelight starts working and he comes to a conclusion that the girl is not THAT bad and tags her as his BFF.

M: The bride promises to honour the groom with all the respect and love she can.

AM: The bride promises to honour the groom with all the respect and love she can as long as he behaves with all the respect and love with her too. Saying that she also promises to care, love and respect him 10 fold if he loves her back and accepts her with all his heart.

Sixth vow:

M: Taking the sixth round around the holy fire, the groom wishes for her happiness and the bride commits to stand by his side always.

AM: Taking the sixth round around the holy fire, the groom holds the bride's hand tighter representing no intentions to leave or betray her in this or upcoming as many lives as god wishes him to live and in each, he'll make sure of preserving her beautiful smile by ANY FUCKING MEANS! The bride lowers her eyelids, smiles and displays complete faith on her man. 

Seventh vow:

सखा सप्तपदा भव ।

सखायौ सप्तपदा बभूव ।

सख्यं ते गमेयम् ।

सख्यात् ते मायोषम् ।

सख्यान्मे मयोष्ठाः ।

M: The bride promises that she has become his spouse by the law of God, holy fire and the Holy Scriptures. The promises she has made have been spoken with pure heart and pure mind. All the angels are witnesses to this fact. She shall neither deceive him nor will she ever let him down.

AM: I love you.

M: Finishing the promise ceremony, the groom promises the bride that by walking this seventh step with her, their love and companionship have become inseparable and eternal. They have experienced spiritual union in God.

AM: I love you too. 

I wish every arrange marriage could begin with such good understanding, most of the times they do. Marriages in India are still a humongous thing. It not only a union of two people but a union of two families. The new generation understands this and under the burden of this "union of families" thingy, they end up sacrificing their love, happiness and memories for their parent's wish or ego. I would request, if any elderly is reading this blog that, yes, marriage is a gigantic thing for families, but first it is the most prominent thing for the bride & the groom. Let kids marry the one whom they feel is worth their affection. Have faith in them, please.

The blog post carries a lighthearted mood and the motive of the blog is not to hurt anyone’s feelings. The interpretations are a result of the blogger's amateur thinking and please do forgive him for if he has written something that shouldn't have been. Criticism and feedback is requested in the comments section. 

References - 
http://ibelievethat.in/seven-the-7-promises
https://www.etsy.com/market/bride_groom_cake